I Was Afraid to Have a Daughter

the moment we found out that our first born would be a girl, my heart sank a little bit. I am no stranger to the fact that mother-daughter relationships are magical, beautiful, sacred yet often complex. not to mention that added pressure of raising a little Black girl in a world that constantly tries (& sometimes succeeds) to belittle, devalue, ignore, gaslights, harm & shame us. I was terrified.

I spent many sessions telling my therapist how unprepared, unequipped & unworthy i felt. I didn’t feel “healed” enough from the wounds of my child & young adult hood to raise a girl without unknowingly projecting my trauma (as many parents do). I told her all of the negative things that i did not want to pass down to my daughter. and she simply asked me “but what about all of the amazing things?”

finally, what i once saw as my wounds I began to view as wisdom. not to help my daughter “not make my same ‘mistakes’” but to walk besides her with unconditional compassion when/if she does. it was as if God was telling me “I didnt choose you because you’re prepared, but because you’re willing to follow me down a new path”.

now, i am so proud of the mother that i am to Naomi. i know that one day the prayers i whisper over her will manifest before our very eyes. her success, her purpose, her joy, her peace, her kindness & love for people will be to no credit of me or her fathers, but to our Father.

I speak to more of my new motherhood experience on this episode of my podcast, Creating Space.